This post contains references to toilets and the bodily functions associated therewith. Proceed at the risk of your own sensibilities. I'm looking at you, people who can't even say "toilet".
Dear North America,
Your toilets are problematic. In fact, they're so problematic that it took my Canadian husband years before he could actually say the word toilet. And now that he's back in your realm he's regressed into the euphemistic mumbling it took me years of earthy snickerings to get him away from.
I really feel sorry for those learning English here. Can you imagine the confusion confronting a person looking for a place to relieve one's self and being told where the washroom is?
"But I do not wish to wash! I wish to do the urination!"
"You'd better wash afterwards, you disgusting person!"
"But where do I go?"
"The washroom!"
"But I do not wish to wash!"
However, back to my contention. Your toilets are problematic. Back in Australia the water levels in one's toilet bowl is very low. In fact in a well working toilet, the level is only just higher than the entrance to the S bend. When one flushes, water gushes from the cistern to flush away one's refuse neatly and with a minimum of water usage. In fact, in Australia we now have dual flush systems that will allow one to choose how much water the amount of refuse might need. For liquid, press the half flush. For more solid matter, choose the full flush. Simple, and water efficient (unless there are skiddies left behind, but that's what toilet brushes are for!).
However for you guys here in North America, it's... different. The water level in the toilet bowls are stunning to this girl from a water restricted country. I first noticed it when I was in the States years ago, and to begin with I thought the toilet was blocked up, the water was so high. In fact, the first time I encountered this phenomenon, water was almost up to the rim. Horses could be lead to these bowls (but not be made to drink), I swear! Wildlife documentaries could be made around these potential watering holes.
Here is where the problem begins to be defined. You see, every - erm, release - prompts a splash against one's buttocks if one is sitting at the wrong angle; this is quite distracting and nigh on nauseating to this girl from the great Southern land. This isn't to mention the wiping. Seriously, how do you not get your fingers wet upon wiping when the water is up so high (and remain seated)? It's gross, and the worst offenders of these so very high levels seem to be public washrooms. I know I want to wash after being in them. This probably explains why they call them washrooms. Ick.
Then there's the flushing process iteself. Wow, there's so much water involved! That finger-soaking pool gets sucked away in a maelstrom of waste, only to be replaced by a gushing new one that sparkles right there under the rim of the bowl.
North America, I'm certain your bowel cancer organisations adore you, as there's no problem seeing what you leave behind. In Australia there was a campaign to look at what you leave to monitor changes or what have you, but I always found it difficult in the small amount of water anything was left in. No such problem here! It swirls in a kaleidoscope of wonder for at least a few seconds before being swept away into a magical land far far away. The fact that the water rises up before it's sucked away is a definite concern. I keep thinking that what happens in Leisure Suit Larry when he flushes the public toilet will happen to me when I see that.
NA, in some ways your toiletting is superior to Australia's, I will grant you that. I haven't had to wield a toilet brush for *cough* emergencies since I got here. Yet your toilets are also scary and confounding, and use far too much water than is really needed to get the job done. I'm really glad that Canada has so much water.
Now, if only I can get you guys to call it a toilet, and not a washroom.
Love, Me.
PS: Have a look at how much water a "proper" toilet should use!
This video isn't mine, but one I found on YouTube, created by markymark75.
American toilets are so scary! I found on my last trip that there are toilets that aren't *as* full, but they're still pretty nuts.
ReplyDeleteWhen I worked for a german company, they had toilets with a ledge on them. I've been told (by wikipedia) that this is to help with that "keep an eye on changes in your stool" campaign. Those toilets worried me too.
The dual flush toilets are making their way here, I haven't actually seen any but I've heard of them! Umm about the spash, yes that is gross! Luckily it's not very common, but if you know a particular toilet (and yes that does sound odd to my ears!) is prone to that, drop a little toilet paper in before you go and it will prevent splashback. I also cover the electric sensors with paper sometimes because they can go off randomly!
ReplyDeleteI'd heard the dual flush toilets were starting to pop up on this continent, but I haven't seen one for myself yet. I remember 9 years ago being dragged into an Australian bathroom and the Canadian doing the pulling pointing at the two buttons on the top of the toilet and demanding in a completely confused tone, "What is that and how does it work?"
ReplyDeleteOh gods, the electric sensors. They freak me out too!
And as for ledges in my loo - oh ye gods, this would definitely cause confusion and delay!